Some nifty things to do with the iPad

While generating much excitement, the new release from Apple has also elicited criticism in some circles for its limited functionally. We provide here a small set of new and distinct uses for the iPad:

• Acts as a regular iPod Touch for people with very fat fingers. Also for frost giants and Bigfoot, if he exists.
• Use it to check your email while your real computer boots up.
• Increase the speed at which you make purchases on iTunes.
• Can be used as a serving platter for pictures of food.
  
• Lord it over people who don't care.
• Comically hold to your ear and loudly say, "Can you hear me now?"
• Gotta have 'em all!
• Something to talk about incessantly in lieu of getting a real hobby.

Things I want to hear the Incredible Hulk roar in rage

It helps if you read the following out loud in a Hulk voice.

• Hulk divest!
• Girl make Hulk nervous!
• Hulk sleepy!
• Hulk make Jesus personal Lord and savior!
• Hulk stub toe!
• Opposing political view make Hulk mad!
• Hulk like kitten!
• Hulk unlikely poet!
• No one comment on Hulk LiveJournal!
• Hulk excellent speller!
• That make Hulk truculent!
  
• Hulk tweet!
• Hulk informed consumer!
• Hulk other car piece of shit too!
• Hulk tap that!
• Hulk skeptical of health care reform!
• Joke about pants not ripping make Hulk mad!
• Hulk have date! Meet online!